I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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