and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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