How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
time to smoke my breakfast
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
