I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
