I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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