"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
