I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
