you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
