i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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