ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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