Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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