I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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