Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
