she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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