Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
