yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
