Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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