is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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