My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
