is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize