I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
