We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize