I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize