so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
