1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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