funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
