I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize