When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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