reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
