I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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