you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
