So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
