I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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