He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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