I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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