someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
