david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
