What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
