I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
