i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
