Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
