At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
