Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
