This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im holly from the hills drunk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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