I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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