even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
