I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
