You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize