Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
