how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
