I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
