can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just blew my weed a kiss
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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