Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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