help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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