I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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