I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
