I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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