i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
