i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
