Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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