9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
