Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
