she woke up with a sticky ear
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
