hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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