listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
